Anxious

The dizzyness of reasoning, oh this anxiousness, perhaps is the beginning of my conciousness. But then, this beginning should please end! Else would start believing that being uncomfortable is actually ordained as comfortable for me! :(:(

This is new ME

Now is the time...

Of noticeable concern now, are those issues that I had wrongfully assumed to be swept under the rug of a mislead tagged: "will attend to it when we get to it"

My right! Sadda Haqq!

Kind of addictive song: "Sada Haqq" from the Indie Movie "Rockstar"

To come to terms with this "Sada Haqq" loosely translated would me "My right", I begin to ponder, in this man-made-God-in-his-image, rather than the faithfully known converse, shouldn't we be asking God the same?
After all, we were brought in this world, by our parents? by divine providence? by some mixture of science and karma? Whatever be it, shouldn't we demand our right for bringing us to see this light?

Perhaps its just the mood I am in, but either way, it's well known that once we know why we are here, we get to be "informed". But before we venture into knowing what we are here for, shouldn't we seek our rights for being here?


Let's ask our creator, Sada Haq Aithe Rakh!

November 9th

:)

Pyar...Love...Amour...Αγάπη...Liebe...Förälskelse...محبت کرنا

Secrets...

A secret dies with a person (negative)

A secret dies with A Person (positive)

A person dies with a secret (wasted)

Strangest of conscience is when an effective secret can be nonchalantly hid in the bizarre attitude of “I tried”!

Do we have “never to be shared” mementos that we know will remain with us for the left over of our lives? Perhaps we all have, and perhaps we dread having them.

Do we grow over them with the passage of time? Do newer memories reverberate the same resonance? Do they help in overcoming a hitherto weakening conscience?

There is more to life than camouflaging our true self with our perceived “good” attempts of self-projections. Historians, philosophers, men, women and children are aware that what goes around, comes around. Still, our attempt to ignore the consequences will never cease.

Perhaps we are scared of living our lives the way we want to. Perhaps we don’t want to hurt the others that matter! We prefer consoling ourselves with the notion that we all have our negatives. We all make mistakes. We all sin!

If we are careless we scale through this but not without affect in the later years. By then it will be late.

I see me..

Looking into a mirror

I see my reflection

Blurred by constant trails,

Distorted by unleveraged pure constancy.

What I perceive now,

Will perhaps, and regrettably, seem an illusion, a dream in future.

Perhaps, and prayerfully, though, I hope not.

Today, as I see,

A tear, drops

Alas,

The reflection is clearer

Confirming the consciousness of my being

Until, this clarity evades too soon.

Tomorrow, as I believe

Time will be,

Not exhausted eventually,

Constancy will return

When I remember triumphs

Hopefully please,

Even if it means it would be in my reflections only that I shall see.

The Hide and Seek Continues...

Am I happy or do I still seek happiness

Or

Do I continue to learn calling momentary excitement as happiness?

I am still scared of loneliness

Still confused of happiness

Still disturbed of noisiness

Still valuing your

Am I moving with determination

Or is time just determined to make me move on

Sometimes I feel so lonely amongst my own

The noise, the cry, the joy, all yet not mine, nor for me

Yet I feel so complete with just me in four walls

Nothing but the ever-focused seconds hand of a clock ticking away

Feels like time is just moving, telling me I lost everything

Then I hear a voice

It brings me hope and tells me time is moving for you to gain everything and more

But then the voice speaks quietest

And then the clock ticks and ticks and ticks

I hide from it,

It seeks me effortlessly

I wait in despair

For the voice to come my way

But now it’s too late

I will come some other day

For now make merry with the

Hide and Seek foray.

Live a healthy lifestyle....

Sometimes we like to show our pictures of our hardwork or let's say work that we enjoy doing. So well, nothing of vanity. In today time, I like when I see myself. Physically, I now get motivated seeing self too. I hope I can say that emotionally and mentally too for myself. Cheers!

Trails...

Its said: Justice is usually delayed but seldom denied; Patience is a virtue; Trails results in triumps when faith and focus are kept. Despite these truths, it is no doubt challenging and at times you wish you can undo moments as so many "why's" still remain unanswered. But then again, who are we to decide when everything will be ok, when its usually untrue that "everythings always ok"! Perhaps sharing others' stories, and situation can provide relief to us, knowing that in this world we are never alone when "everythings not ok"!

Religion and Expectancy???

I grew up in an atmosphere of non-religious Hindu and Christian home. By non-religious I mean one that has a non-overly practicing Hindu and Christian parent. I grew up in a country that had only Christian and Muslim dominion.  To make matters complicated I became confused and tried “practicing” different religions at varied times, including the Muslim religion.

However, I am what I am today, and I believe, like many others, that there is God, and expectedly I still have greater inclination towards Christianity and Hinduism. As they say, one keeps learning all his/her life.

I was always fascinated by simple homes/families practicing one religion typical to them. I believe today too, have a similar faith with your partner, with your children helps in times of crisis, especially and more so now.

Perhaps that seed of fascination or let me call it a seed of expectancy, of choosing my “assumed” right way of life made me what I am today. Or probably what I am seeking to become one day.

Whatever I am today, I feel the word “expectancy” is what twirls relationships of every sort. As the modern age progresses with its globalization people tend to lose their cultural values. Perhaps “lose” is not the right word. People probably tend to “choose” the cultural values to keep and discard others. People have become more self centered, more aware of their happiness. It perhaps started with My Country, to My Society, to My Family and finally to Me.

And as it is with history, man has always somehow managed to overcome a changing situation.  He therefore becomes more self-reliant! A theory suggests, if I am self-reliant, I will not “need” anyone for anything, therefore I don’t expect anything from anyone. I may need someone to fulfill my needs, be it another human being, a pet, or even God.

This changing nature of people has also affected the so called “culture holding” religions. Where is the Greek religion heading to, where is Judaism. Where is the Jew. Even in Hindu religion, we know have an “eco-friendly Ganeshji”. Just like men and women are getting smarter, so is “their” religions. I wont be surprised to see Christianity “sell” very well in today’s time as well as Buddism since both are “assumed” easy religions.

In whatever case, change is inevitable and for those of us that value our teachings, may have to hold on to those teachings in our hearts till our final goodbye.

Believing is Receiving

Whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them. - (Mark 11:24)
If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. - (John 15:7)

Many times we pray hard, yet we don't get what we want, only to find out much later on that whatever happened, happened for the best. This is what the usual, more typical, stance say.

However, there are also those few that despite praying hard, and our prayers "not being answered" in the way we expected, tend NOT to realize much later on that whatever happened, happened for the best.

Hence, my two referenced biblical quotes above. There may be several postulates to this:

1. We haven't probably prayed hard enough....Well this does not go well with many as they don't want to hear this,

2. We prayed hard, but the decision we took, and thereafter pushed our decision to God to answer was wrong! Perhaps we weren't patient enough yielding to our worldly thoughts rather soon enough.


I feel faith and hope and patience go hand in hand.....The amount of faith you have, the same amount of hope you will have and therefore that much patience you will happily give...Many of us claim we have so much faith, yet in times of hope we fall dead short and we tend to hate people that remind us to have had a "bit more" patience.

I believe this to have been working for me, and I hope when I come out of my situation and I will be vindicated, so that I may be able to be an example of His grace in people that are probably passing through situations requiring faith, hope and patience in equal amounts....

Somethings are just not....

Somethings in life are just not meant to be...
At first they become evident and tell you of their being so in trivial things that dont matter...
You reflect, you ignore...
Then, they become evident on larger fronts...
You continue to reflect, you continue to ignore...
Lastly, they become evident in trivial matters that matter as differentiated from trivial matters that dont matter...
You reflect, you try to ignore but cannot seem to...

God above us has given us immense power of control, perceive, comprehend, with lessons in nature, freinds and family. We need to understand, recognize and make effective our such gift so that we are able to be in better control of our lives and be better examples of His grace.....

Forgiveness...

I have ended yet another day and watched it being undone again....
I tried all that I could...
Some blunders happened, and some absurdities crept in...
I try to forget them, forgive self and learn....
I, with sincerity, and with too high a spirit realize that tomorrow is a new day, and will begin it with the learned lessons of today....
May God protect us, forgive us our sins and we forgive our brethren...

Inspired from quote by: Ralph Waldo Emerson

I am trying, time!

I am hated for what I was and what I have probably become...
I may be loved for what I may never be...
I am a sum of my experiences and some of myself...
I have begun to understand that the world loves you the way it wants to see you...
Everything is therefore plastic!

Am I searching to hard for happiness?
I have always wished people well, or have I unknowingly not wished so?
I can change, cause time has changed, I must realize that values must change.

I envy them that are alone and happy.
How do they convince themselves of their peace, so pure so serene.
I let go to learn, yet I remain static but I feel time go past me yet I wait for I don't know what?

Take me with you dear time...
I am tired of keeping close ones unhappy...
I am trying wrong...
I am trying time....



I am trying time!

Silly Me....

Thoughts!!!
We are all victim of circumstances!
Despite our eluding them, there are millions of "what if's"!
Often times, what we are so adamant, or are egoistic about doing an act, experience makes us willingly do the act in another situation and time!
Its saddest when you find yourself in shoes of one you ignored, now being ignored yourself!
No one ask's for situations that will receive sympathy or pity, but then again experiences will take you down so much that you want some shoulder to cry on!
We try finding happiness in others whereas the happiness lies in us, dormant most of the time!
It's amazing how love can make a pauper feel like a king and the same love can make a king feel wretched!
I hate emotions. The more I try to run from it, beg to seek being unemotional, the more i sink into it!
The only way I can be at my best is when I am happy and that can only be if I know you are happy being with me!
I am happy when, selfishly, my emotional demands are met. Strangely I don't feel asking for emotional TLC is so much big a thing!
I wish I had the tape of my life so far, a scissors, a cello tape and time. I would have rewound my life, attempted FairPlay or worst off cut and throw away my past!
God is the most humane of us!

Past!

I don't know what is worse; missing what we were, missing what we could have been, or missing how it was before "us" happened?

I will be back!

I WILL BE BACK!

I had always been impressed by several qualities of people.
What made them different in success, family, culture, and plenty yes-men!
I thought it was nothing more than a gift from God.

Despite it being true, it’s alas not complete in its entirety.

I realized attitude was the key to success in personal and professional life
I realized perseverance was the key to greatness as well
I realized faith and hard work was also a strong key to great achievements

I changed my attitude, persevered, strengthened my faith and toiled harder.

I became successful in my weltanschauung , and my friends; true success succeeds.

Trials came, I fought most, and I reluctantly ignored some.
More trials came, I fought some, and I deliberately ignored some more.
Much more trials came, I tried fighting all, and I was forced to ignore most.

I feel I ignored, cause I was restless in gaining more

Whenever, whatever I ignored, eventually became a lost success
I therefore lessened in my success rate, but I was still successful
More success lost, the lesser success I became, and from being successful to being there, to losing all became my forte.

I have come back to where I stood years back, slightly learned, slightly cautious, slightly same, and yet at times unnervingly alone. Also, I understand the pain of being ignored, hence I choose not to ignore and besides,

I still have
my success “story”,
my “reprimanding but there-for-me” family,
my renewed “not to ignore the little’s of life” culture,
and true (read “oft ignored, but still there-for-me) yes-men.
and now, the feeling that I was mostly right in my assessment.

Today, I want to continue with my attitude, perseverance, faith and hard work with the added pinch of experience of not ignoring trails to fate.

I will be back.
It is well.
It is better.

Hope in Mystery!

 I have been said all,
Good by bad people,
Bad by good people,

I have been loved, loathed
Loved by people I didn’t value,
Loathed by people I looked up to,

I have been called names,
That resonate resentment for exchange of care,
I have cared, at least in my own little way,
In exchange, I get devalued,
Perhaps I expect a lot.

I have switched places, quarters,
I have fought others’ battles,
While hoping they fight mine
I won theirs! I lost mine.
I have attempted battles in lands of the unknown,
But I didn’t lose hope, though I think my faith did wither,
That I didn’t consider.

It gets from grim to grave,
Yet what I find missing is your care,
Particularly when troubles dare,
Lonely do I feel when you ignore,
I feel I am alone beside the huge seashore.
I miss your “I will be there for you”
It now reverberate as “I don’t care for you”

I see pain in the hearts of my bloodline,
I see the sorrows gawp at me,
I am coming to help my history,
I have not lost hope in this mystery.

This hope is what gives me courage
To better the words you say to me
To upturn the inefficacies of my politeness
To make me deserve your care,
So that our branches flourish in the family tree

I have not lost hope in mystery
I have not lost hope in mystery…

Yet another beautiful day!

Oh what a beautiful day!

Waking up to the sound of light rain

To the aroma of wet sand

To the feel of soft wind

Reminiscing of happiness in the past, present and continued tense

Who says times moves, life moves?

Look,

This is the same moment that I met years ago.

It’s as if its come back to whisper good news

To tell me we are still with you

To tell me I am not alone

I tell them several things without saying them

As if I am speaking to my God

Knowing fully they speak back to me not only in understanding

But also in faith and hope

They tell me there was someone much earlier and before me

And there would be someone much later and after me

All of this is temporary, an illusion

That time actually has moved

I ask them for sharing my pain, happiness and moments

They say they would, in moments

But for the time being only,

As there are others out there

That needs to know,

That they are not alone and

That today is still a beautiful day!

Our Creation, Our Creator

Read a beautiful quote today:

“I would rather believe there is God and one day find out there isn’t any, than believe there isn’t any God only to find later that there is one”

Oftentimes, I myself get confused with the theory of civilization. Some say humanity is the best religion, other “grown up, mature believers of the universe” except it likewise. Others say there isn’t any such thing.

I think “man” intrinsically is a hallowed entity, always in need of gratification, compassion, and love. “Man” is bound to fail, at times severally, and therefore needs that avenue, that force, that incontestable anticipation, that all will be well. Whereas, technically speaking, all is actually well. It’s just a state of mind that we are in that defines our assumed circumstance.

Then again, there is this “I am born Christian, Muslim, Hindu, hence I follow Christ, Prophet Mohammed, or Lord Ram”, but not often do we compel ourselves in understanding the concept of religion.

Perhaps, some of us are plain “made that way” of accepting our environment as it came to us. I tend to feel differently. Perhaps again, I am not made that way!

I have been to the churches, the mosques, and various Hindu temples. I have even visited the Buddha temple. I find everyone similar, and some blind to nothingness. Unhappily, I also find some looking at me as someone who is in a state of frenzied oblivion.

Most of us actually value the help from God when we are in need, are desperate or when we get our cherished desires. We hardly thank God when everything seems to go wrong. Some of us feel it’s better to help someone in need than to thank God for gifts of livelihood. Some of us also use God as a mere exclamation as in, Holy Jesus! Christ Yikes!!

I feel the above statement is pretty safe and is pretty sorry too. But hold on, aren’t the holy books written by humans. Well so does history say! And history is lived by humans.

That way, we created God, but our creation is our now our creator. God lives in us. We live in God’s world. God is in I, and I am in God. Wondered why “I” is always capitalized?

Irrespective of whatever, there is a law of the land that is also created by us. So we need to follow the law of the land. Hence, we need to compromise our knowledge or control the extent we can grow our knowledge just for the sake of living in the land peacefully.

Therefore, I too, would rather uncompromisingly and to ensure peace to prevail in my "state of the mind world", believe there is God, irrespective of consequences, rather than following the converse belief.

Dreaming..isn't injurious to my healt...

I had you

I had dreams coming true

My dreams for you,

Unknown to me they were not for us

I had vertigo like spell around me

It was surreal

Weren’t those dreams we spoke of when we first realized in “us”?

Why then, did those dreams become just mine?

Not too far into living in this foreshadow, I started seeing you disenfranchised

Cause I reckon your dreams were just yours,

Just like you, bigotry, I, and I and more I

Your dreams were your dreams

Probably something more divine, but for you.

Today, as I reflect back,

I have you,

Not even that much in my dreams

Cause dreams are probably not meant to be

When not respected and valued

Yet I keep dreaming

Cause I have no control of them

I try, I fail, I try again, I fail again

Further today, I am happier,

Cause I am leveled out,

Or so I feel

That I can’t stop to dream

The expected happiness is now

Just like a reverie of bliss

I don’t wish to wake up

And once more,

I want to look at life as a dream,

Cause,

Isn’t it God, this time, communicating in my dreams?

:):):)

Moving Ahead With Faith

I was dejected, alone, confused, and scared.

I was always all alone 'till the day I heard her voice.

The sweet caring nectar in her voice repeatedly rained down touching my soul.

I became alive, zestful, unalone again, I fell in love. A love never known.

How can that be? Me, a person, who shouldn't have fallen probably this quick by standards of the so called world?

I still see that she is meant to be my one and all, forever more.

Her laughter causes me such joy and excites me more than anything I could have imagined

Her hair is like soft silk, and when she is absent, its smoothness I do miss. Pure magic!

Her eyes speak to me saying I will love you forever more.

Her hands in mine, simply gives me the pleasures of heaven itself.

Her fears of instability, her dreaded fear of the unknown, fear of past recurring, a past that makes one indifferent, pragmatic, unblieving; only gives me the impetus to hold her hand firmer, to shield her from her doubts while eroding them eventually.

I however wonder sometimes, that her smile, laughter, contentment in us is also as true and will stay forever unshaken. I hope also, that her pragmatism, rubs off me and my supposed sensitivity equates rightfully.

I hope she believes me continually as the only unfinishing baggage I move ahead with is truth and committment...

Lord Anger

After a long journey into life,

Made of promises and moments,

A flash of anger,

An instance of despondency,

By which,

A smile is shattered,

A hope is dimmed,

Positive attitude is concealed,

Words of spite are mentioned,

Distrust is engineered,

Promises break,

Living is unloved,

Loving is loathed,

Suspicion is carved,

Time is lost,

Patience is tasked,

Happiness seem unreachable,

Frustration sets in hugely,

Decisions are made,

Break-up’s happen God forbid,

But heartache follows,

And rules are changed,

Emotions are controlled,

Moments are then little more mechanical,

And then another journey into life is taken,

But skewed longer than expected,

Since it’s is now more affected.

His Way!

No one ever wishes for a bad world

He too did not

But he passes through one each day

He is told that this is his current sway

A day of solitude

Quite, and yet not peaceful

He tries to pull through,

He gets momentary solace,

But the world around him does not allay,

He is again told, this is his current sway

He looks through the windows,

Through the billboards, through the magazines,

Through his own, through not his own,

And all look back with immense sarcasm

He is told to grow up, told to be a man

Despite knowing that he didn’t go astray,

He is told, again, that this is his current sway.

Wonder how many of us, can live away

With a world that’s half his way…